It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
