A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
