singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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