even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
