what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
