so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
