Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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