The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
