He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
