i can't believe i had my finger in that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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