don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
