My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize