The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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