The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
