haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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