She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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