planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
