I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
