WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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