Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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