This is not my ceiling
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
