Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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