You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
