No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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