You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
