when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
