Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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