Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
