well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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