He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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