Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
