If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
