Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
