soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize