i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
