Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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