GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize