i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize