Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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