our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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