i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize