Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
