Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
