Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
