so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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