Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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