I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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