I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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