I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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