She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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