How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
