If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
