i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
