I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize