I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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