if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize