Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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