I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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