There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize