he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
