I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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