she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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