what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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