is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize