I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
