sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
