forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize