Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize