Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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