In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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