You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I die, sorry about rent.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
