Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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